Day one. 10am.

I already know today is gonna be one shit day.

I awoke to find another spider on my ceiling. That's two in as many days. Thankfully, I killed the first one (I'm not a murderer. I'm ridding this world of evil eight-legged beasts one by one.) but the second one fell to the floor and then I couldn't find it. So I have to hope it turns up somewhere that isn't my face while I'm asleep.

Last night, I broke my laptop. There's not a hope in hell of it working. I sat it on my bed while I got up to press play on Family Guy, and I must have knocked it, 'cause it fell off the bed and screen on the inside cracked and now you can't see anything on it, and I can't afford a new one until I get a job which is going to be never. But on the plus side, I was in bed early last night, hence why I'm up early.

I can see this blog being my saviour in the next few days. I'm practically hammering on the keyboard, as I'm used to the laptop one.

Anyway, I have £5 that I need to spend as soon as possible, so I don't buy cigarettes. But that means walking to the shop, it's ages away. And I don't know what to buy. I should buy munchie things, 'cause that always helps when you can't smoke.

This has to be the longest post I've posted in a while. Jeez. I need to get a more exciting life really.

Oh! I'm getting an overdraft and a chequebook! I feel so grown up! Now all I need is a job. Haha. I wish it was as easy as that. I really cannot find one anywhere. Stupid Ayr.

Anyway, I'm done for now.
No doubt I'll post angrily later.

Tomorrow

So, I'm going to stop smoking tomorrow.
Why? Well.

I can't afford it, basically.

I'm worried about putting weight on, but, in the long run, a wee bit of weight is easier to get rid of than lung cancer and all the stuff you get from smoking.

So expect a lot of angry posts in the near future.



"Here's to our last drink of fossil fuels.
May we vow to get off of this sauce."

The G20 summit is soon. Should prove interesting to watch.

Anyway, that's all for now. Been a quiet day.

Take away our Playstations, and we are a 3rd World nation!

The funniest thing happened today.

I was walking back from Spar, after buying wine and milk. I walked past a garden with two wee boys playing. One of them shouted to the other 'Michael Jackson!' I thought, Oh my God what the fuck?! Then the other wee boy started dancing and singing 'It's a thriller!'

I almost dropped the shopping.

I was actually buckled all the way home, still buckled now.



There's a sort-of song you should listen to. It's called Self-Evident by a woman called Ani DiFranco. This is a link to it on YouTube . Listen to the full thing, and really take in the lyrics. I love it.

Anyway, that's all for today. :)

*This post remains nameless*

All they ever do is moan. Everyone moans about everything (including me in this post..). You know, sometimes I wonder what life would be like if people didn't moan. Imagine! Would it be sheer bliss, or would people get bored? My guess is the latter. People spend so much time moaning, their lives would be empty without it.

I watched a documentary earlier, called The End of America. It's basically about how the USA is becoming a closed society. It uses evidence of past dictatorships like Nazi Germany, Stalin's Russia and Mussolini's Italy to name a few, and compares laws and events that happened there to laws and events happening in the USA. It makes a very, very good point, and I suggest you all watch it.
This is a link to wtch it online. When you click it, it'll ask you to hit a button to prove you're not a computer, then will take you straight to the video.

While we're on the subject of documentaries and such like. Another one you should watch is Zeitgeist. It basically offers information that explains the origin of Christian faith, how the banks are becoming more powerful, and how these two things are connected to the recent wars, in Iraq and Afghanistan for example.
This link will take you straight to the video.

Enough about movies and documentaries. Enough about anything.
I'm done.

You can sit beside me when the world comes down!

You can sit beside me when the world comes down.
If it doesn't matter then just turn around.
We don't need our bags,
And we can just leave town.
You can sit beside me when the world comes down.

The weather sucks. Right now is honestly looking like the middle of Winter at like 4pm. But not to worry, it'll be Summer soon enough.

Last few days have been so unbelievably quiet. Had the Job Centre yesterday, there's actually no jobs going. I'm getting desperate. I could go be a nude art model thing. Lol. Naa.
Today I went to the bank, Morrison's and Spar. How very exciting.

Got the new Kelly Clarkson and All American Rejects albums. Quite good, although Kelly Clarkson's new stuff sounds a hell of a lot different.. not too sure about some of the songs.

Anyway, just thought I'd make a wee post in case the few followers I have thought I was dead. Haha.

Oh, yeah, and I have a second blog. http://kj-asthesunsets2.blogspot.com - I'd make that a wee link, but I don't know how to and can't be assed finding out. Haha.

Catch ya.

Oh, yeah, check out the other blog, comment too. Thanks.

Really can't think of a title...

One day they'll tell you that you've changed
Though they're the ones who seem to stop and stare


Those lyrics have always stuck out to me. This is that they mean to me:

Yeah, you'll go through life, and you'll change for the better, and the people who were there before the change, will have a go at you for being all different and stuff, and yet, they admire you. They just don't like change. But at the end of the day, as far as I'm concerned, any change is a change for the better. Even if, at the time, it seems like a change for the worse, it's through that change that the better will come along.
Get it?

Anyway, that wasn't even what I came here to blog about. I was just gonna talk about the last few days, being today and yesterday.

They've been a bit uneventful really. Yesterday I went into town with Calum, got some Mother's Day stuff etc. There was a wee moment that is sorted now. Chilled out for the rest of the night. Today, it's been pure chilled. Calum came over about 7ish, and we had a proper Sunday night chill. Few drinks, music, random banter and winding people up, followed by The Simpsons. You know it's a proper chilled and good night when it ends on The Simpsons.

Life is really good for me at the moment, and I don't plan on it changing.

I'm sorry to say, there'll be no sacrifice today.

Everybody expects me to break, but I'll never breakdown again.
Everybody expects me to give up, but you'll never see me giving in.
Everybody wants me to lose, but I'll never lose who I am.

No, I'm sorry to say there'll be no sacrifice today.


Those lyrics are awesome. It's basically how I'm feeling at the moment.
I'm totally over the whole depressed thing. It's so unbelievably pointless, and I have much better things to do.

Put your problems down and pick up what's left of the pain.
Take a good look at yourself and see who's really to blame.
(Needless to say) You got issues.
(There's no fucking way) That I'm gonna fix you.

More fitting lyrics. Again, I've found that by trying to help people, it was bringing me down a little. So I'm gonna stop it. Obviously, I'll try my best for the people I love, but everyone else? They can deal with it themselves.


Got into a "Only live once" frame of mind lately, and it's working. In the mood to just fuck off for a few days, but stuff to do, and lack of funds. Gutted, haha.

Going shopping for Mother's Day today, with Calum. Should be a good laugh, might head out to Auchen...that place afterwards. My spellchecker thing is crap!! It has red-lined place!

Anyway, off now.

Sun!

I've had such an awesome afternoon. Calum and I went a random walk around farm roads and stuff in the sun. It was so chilled out and just a release. Was awesome. Then we came back to mine for a few drinks. That was a chilled banter too.



One Republic reminds me of my Inverness days.


Fuck Inverness.

I want him.

I'm sure I do.

But then... I don't know.








I really want to move away. I wish I had the money and the boy/best friend who would move with me. It's coming up to Summer, and I am gonna miss Inverness so much.




This is kinda a pointless post, but it's helped me, so fuck it. :)

14th March 2003 - A day I'll never forget.

The day my Granny Shatford died. Worst time of my life. Seriously. Never, ever, felt pain like that in my life. Truly the worst I've ever felt. But, obviously, at that time, I didn't know about suicide or self-harm, or I would almost definitely be dead by now. I guess it's a good thing. She wouldn't like to see me so soon, right?

I promised her in my prayers that this year, I'd go see her and take her flowers....

Couldn't face it.

After the last 6 months, I have no idea what I'd do if I went to see her. I really can't trust myself. But I feel terrible for breaking a promise. I'm so conflicted. Do I put my own life at risk to fulfill a promise to the one person I love the very most, or save myself and break that promise? I know it's not the 14th anymore, but any visit is a good visit, right?

I don't really know.

Not to mention the fact that I actually have no money to get the bus to see her, never mind flowers.... Not good.

My friends love me. My family love me. What more could I ask for, really? I shouldn't be depressed. Just... sometimes you can't help it. You understand, I know you do. Whoever you may be.


I remember about two months after my gran died. I wrote one of my English essays on it. It was the best of the year, according to my teacher. I wish I still had it to share with you, but, that was like... 6 years ago, so no chance of me having it anywhere.

I can't stop crying. I'm so emotional right now. But I think I'm safe. I reckon I'll just chill for a while then cry myself to sleep, and wake up feeling all happy again.






I realise this post is pretty depressing, but, that's life...

That's what all the people say...

Riding high in April, and shot down in May!

:P

This past week...

Has been... just... ooft!

What a week, I don't mind telling you. Not that it's over or anything, far from it, but with a big party happening at the weekend, I'm assuming it would be way too much to post in one blog. So anyway.

I don't actually remember all that much. Let's see...
Sunday I saw Sarah... or I think it was Sunday.... yes, it was. Ahaha, it was like something from a movie. Sarah had to get the train, and we were going to be late, so jumped off the bus and ran towards the train station. The lovely bus driver stopped, picked us up again and sped off to the station. We literally ran into the station, just as the train pulled away. The timing was terrible. Turns out there was another train, so that was good.

Monday was... I don't actually remember... let's skip this one. Lol.
Tuesday was good, but not overly exciting really, just very drunken, as was Monday.

Last night though.. God. Calum and I started off in Meridian, where we were convinced something was going down - a bomb or something. Haha. Then we went to the cinema to see Confessions of a Shopaholic, which was awesome by the way. Back to the Meridian, we got drunk then headed off to Caprice (where our bar staff from Meridian go.. you see how it all fits into place?). So yeah, Caprice was good. Met some lovely people, and one of the bar staff, Alex, was gorgeous. Wow. Just been told there that we were talking to Big Steven too. Ok, let me explain. In Meridian, there are two really hot bar guys. We knew them as Purple Guy and Straw Guy. Turns out they're both called Steven, so now Purple Guy is Big Steven, and Straw Guy is Wee Steven. Anyway, we met some other chick called Heather, who was lovely. We sat at the bar perving on Alex, flicking through magazines looking for eye candy and just being generally random. Then I get money off Calum to go to Spar and buy porn!!!! Oh, what a night.

So, that was this week, up to now. Tonight we're going to Calum's: I wont be leaving until Sunday. This should be fun. So I'm done with gibbering on about my week. Hope you all had a lovely time, and have a lovely weekend. I'll fill you in on mine next week.

Tara chuck!

The worst post I've ever posted...

So, here we are again. I am bored beyond belief. Spent so much energy trying to find something to do tonight, that I'm knackered now. Anyway, I was pretty sure I had something decent to blog about... but now I can't really remember.

Oh yeah, that fucking documentary. "How To Sleep Better."

Now, I don't have sleep problems, as such. But, being a teenager, it's always good to make sleep that wee bit better. So, I got into bed, got the documentary on the laptop and settled in to watch it. Now, I wasn't tired in the slightest, but, after about 20 minutes of this program, I was asleep. So, the answer to "how to sleep better" ? Watch that program.

In other news. There is no other news. Haha. No, erm...

Oh yeah. So, I realised over the last few days, I feel fucking awesome. I wont come off the medication yet, but hopefully I wont need it for much longer.


This is a shit post, but I can't think of anything else to write. My life is a bit boring at the moment, lol.

New Year Revisited

The following is the entire body of my post labelled New Year. I decided to go back and comment on individual parts and how appropriate it might be now. The original is in normal text, the comments will be in italics (I always thought that was spelled with two L's, but apparently not..)

As the sun sets on today, I thought about this:
What does this year have in store for me? (Not a lot so far, lol!)

Well, for a start, there's a few personal things I want to change:
I want to care less about other people's opinions of me. (This has happened, ever so slightly.)
I want to be able to be myself. (Not really happened.. maybe a little bit.)
I want to be happy with who I am. (Getting there with this one. )
I want to tell the truth, no matter how much it hurts me or others. (This has been a lot harder than I thought it would be, so far I've failed pretty majorly on this.)
I want to enjoy my life - live every day as my last. (Not always been doing this, but certainly more than before.)
I want to love... and be loved. (Looking back at this, it's not really important to me at the moment.)
I want to know... and be known. (I'm not too sure exactly what I meant by this... perhaps I'll work it out one day.)

Basically, I want to be happy. (Again, I'm getting there with this. Certainly a lot happier now than I was back then.)

And to be honest, if that means losing my friends or whatever, then so be it. I'd rather be happy with no friends than to pretend to be happy with a load of fake friends. (I do still feel like this. It's a pretty good one if you ask me.)

Let it be known that if I communicate with you in the slightest in 2009, it's because I want to. Not because, as is the case now, I feel obligated. (This has been a major fail. I find it hard to ignore people. But having looked back on it now, I guess I was right there. So I'll start it from now.. if I can.)

Just thought I'd let you know. (Ditto with the update! Lol.)

Thrush

It's not nice, but my God it's funny.

Cousin and I were standing in Morrison's, waiting on a prescription, and she spotted the thrush cream. It was the funniest thing ever. Then we realised we didn't know what caused it. Enter Google. So now she's obsessed with thrush. We discovered that men can get thrush! Call me naive, but I seriously had no idea we could!

Anyway, I realised this blog has basically been a place for me to moan and bitch. Bit boring really, so thought I'd come share the thrush. I was hoping to find a wee funny pic to put on here, but Photobucket wont load, probably due to how shit my internet is.

"I think I let out a little bit of wee then!" Being Human is perhaps the best show on TV at the moment, even though it's just ended. Roll on the second series.

Oh, also, someone searches blogs for scooters! I'm so chuffed to find that out. Check the comment on my last post for a link to her blog. It's quite interesting, unlike this.

I want to write loads and loads, but I don't have anything to write about. Photobucket has loaded, so I'l find a good picture, then write about it! Good idea, no?



(I hope to God that link worked, I'm never sure.)
But anyway. Do you agree with this quote? I do. Because, let's face it, if there's something you don't like about your life, you should be the one to change it, right? There's not much point sitting around waiting for things to get better. If you can actively make it different, do it. It's the only way you'll definitely see some progress.

I'm pretty much done here.
Thrush out.