Long(ish) post, for a change!!!

Well, I've got a bit of time in the library, so I'm gonna try and give a good update. Not that, as I expect, anyone actually cares, but it'll be interesting to look back and read at least.

So, things are going really well with Bryan. We argue occasionally, but we always resolve it. We've got our money sorted out, so we're not pure skint all the time. Long story short, I love him to bits, and haven't been so happy in a long time.

I start college at the end of this month, finally. Really looking forward to it, just to be doing something again.

I broke my phone. I was arguing with Bryan, and threw it against a wall, cracking the screen, now it doesn't work. I miss having a phone quite a bit.

Oh, and, it would appear I'm slowly but surely losing all of my friends. I should be really really bothered, but, I'm not. I'm happy right now, and I don't want people bringing me down by telling me how much of a shit friend I am, or how selfish I am, or any of that crap. People need to realise that things wont stay the same way forever. People change and move on. It's about time you lot got that into your thick skulls.

Anyway, I'm done now. :)

Yet again, I've fucked up.

Only this time, I have NO idea what I've done. I mean, seriously, why is it that every time things are going well, things fuck up again?!

Fuck it.

You have to laugh

At little digs on people's blogs. :)

Anyway, just a wee update.
Things are going great really. Not a lot to say, which is unlike me, I know.

Hmm...

Byebye :)

Still not dead

Well, sorry I haven't posted in ages. I've moved in with my boyfriend, and we don't have the internet yet. (I'm at the library at the moment.)

Things are going really well so far, so fingers crossed they stay that way.

You know, I was in... McDonald's I think it was, and noticed that they're the Official Resteraunt of the London 2012 Olympics. What the fuck is that about? Fast food is the official olympics thing? That's typical Britain if you ask me.

Another thing I noticed, was a sign outside a school. It actually said : "Caution Slow Children"!! No break, line, comma or anything! I laughed so hard.

Anyway, I better be off as I think the boyfriend (his name is Bryan, by the way) is really bored.

Hope you're all well and I'll try and post again soon.

Love to all.

Oh, and happy Friday!!!!

Well

I'm not dead :).

Just in case you were wondering, like.

Will post a decent blog soon enough - believe me, I have a lot to blog about, haha:)

Thanks all for the happy birthday's. :)

Love to all.
X

Happy Birthday to me

19 today.

Almost 20.

Scary stuff.

Should be a good day/night.

Love to all.

Well

Things are a bit like a rollercoaster at the moment.

Met a guy, and things seem to be going really good with him.

But there are other things making the drops in the rollercoaster track. Massive drops, might I add. However, once all this is dealt with, it's one huge weight off my shoulders, and hopefully things will pick up a lot. It's just a case of pushing through and dealing with it as quick as possible. It wont be easy, but it needs to be done.

In other news, it's my birthday on Saturday. No idea what's happening as none of my friends will tell me, haha.

Anyway, just a quick update, as I have to go get ready.

Laters.

FML

I don't know if any of you use it, but it can be quite funny.

Anyway, tonight I had my own FML. I'm going to write it in the form of the actual FML website:

Today, I couldn't sleep. After falling into a very light sleep, I woke up to find an arm over me. Feeling loved, I grabbed the arm to pull it tighter to me. It was my arm. I cried. FML.



How pathetic am I ?

I just plugged you, give me money!

So yesterday/last night was awesome.

Calum and I wandered around for a while, just having a laugh.

"Just when you thought your life couldn't get any worse, a zombie calls you a crackwhore."
Hahaha.

We're both going to hell though, as we spent a good hour or so strolling around the graveyeard laughing at the funny names.

Then, we were sat outside the cinema, and a car drove up with company information on the side, so I read it out in an advert-type manner. As the driver got out, I said "I just plugged you, give me money!" Hahaha. It was so funny at the time.

Then, Calum and I sat with cider, having a laugh, and this seagull landed pretty close. So I yelled at it to go away, and it square go'd me! No word of a life, it was the funniest thing ever. Calum and I were literally rolling around laughing.

Anyway, today I had a doctor's appointment. I have swollen glands again. I weigh 9 stone 11. And I've been signed unfit to work for 2 weeks. Joy.

I'm really sleepy, so think I'll go back to bed soon.

KJ

A new conspiracy!!!

Lying in bed this morning, debating getting up, I was also describing to myself my dream, in the hopes of putting it into an understandable context to explain to people, when I stumbled across a conspiracy! This is how it came around:

You know those KFC bucket things that are full of chicken things, right to the bottom? Well, I'm guessing it goes right to the bottom.. I've never had one. Hell, there could be a golden egg at the bottom for all I know. Maybe that's why it's so popular. I've never had one, the world doesn't want me to have a golden egg! Well, fuck the world, I'm gonna get one! Maybe, there's something about the egg that means people can't talk about it until everyone in the world has one! And once I get one, the truth will come out, and the world will change and everyone will be rich! KFC are evil.

That's my conspiracy theory about KFC.

Anyway, back to my dream. It was horrendous.
You know those KFC bucket things? Well, there was one of them in my kitchen. Only, there was, like, a roasted head of a baby pig in it! As well as the mad chicken things covered in grease and sauce and stuff. Think that's bad? Well, upon closer inspection of the bucket, I came across the most disgusting, upsetting thing ever.


A dead, roasted baby.

I woke up and almost vomitted.


My mind is fucked up, seriously.

But, thankfully, it was just a dream. And without this dream, I wouldn't have come across my golden egg theory!!

=]

KJ! My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me! So wont you kill me, so I die happy? says:
I don't like any football.
Sarahhhhhhh.... I got my hands on a miracle. says:
*That's cause you're gay.
*You're meant to like ballet.




Hahahahaha!

I love Sarah. <3

I found my place.

I think it's really important to have that one place. Somewhere you can go to chill out and think on your own.
I had a place when I lived up near Inverness. It was a tiny pebble beach thing by the river, totally secluded. It was gorgeous. I used to go whenever I needed out the house, or whenever I just needed some space to clear my head, or just to chill out.

I've never had a place like that in Ayr. Never. But today, I found it.

I went out a walk, ended up strolling around the cemetery, saw a tree, sat under it, and I knew then that that was my place. I sat for like an hour, just listening to my iPod and thinking, and also non-thinking. It might sound weird to you, but I don't really care. I've found my place, and I know things are going to pick up now.

I should

Probably feel bad. Should, being the key word.
Because, truth be told, I don't. I was honest, and in the long run, it's better to be honest that to lie.

Anywayyyyyyyyy, I have a job interview tomorrow. It's just for a part-time housekeeper, but it'll better than nothing. So, wish me luck, God knows I'll need it.

In other news.... there isn't any.

I'm offskies.

Oh, one more thing:

"Said I'd always be your friend,
Took an oath, I'ma stick it out 'til the end."

Monster! At The Disco

So, a few minutes ago, I was going downstairs to get a drink. Now, picture this -

The hallway is dark, and it's about 4 steps from my room to the light switch.
The washing machine was on.
All of downstairs is dark.
The cupboard under the stairs is slightly open.

2 steps into the hallway, and the washing machine made a noise. In a millisecond, my mind connected that with the darkness and the half open cupboard, and told me:

"There's a monster downstairs!"

I'm 18 for God sake!

It actually took me a few seconds of total fear before I realised how childish I was being.

Seriously, what the actual fuck? A monster?!?!?!

My mind is fun. :)

And I swear to God, I'll find myself in the end!

So I think I'm finally working myself out a bit.
I'm becoming who I've wanted to be for a while. And it's becoming clear that people might not like it. But I'm thinking tough. That wasn't me, before. Yes, you might not like me now. But I'd rather you didn't like me for who I am, than like me for who I'm not.
I'm being true to myself, true to everyone. I refuse to go through life any longer, being someone I'm not.

"I've been thinking of everything

I used to want to be
I've been thinking of everything
Of me, of you and me

This is the story of my life
(These are the lies I have created)
This is the story of my life
(These are the lies I have created)

I'm in the middle of nothing
And it's where I want to be
I'm at the bottom of everything
And I finally start to leave

This is the story of my life
(These are the lies I have created)
This is the story of my life
(These are the lies I have created)
(I've created...)

And I swear to god
I'll find myself
In the end

And I swear to god
I'll find myself
In the end

And I swear to god
I'll find myself
In the end
In the end

And I swear to god
I'll find myself
In the end

In the end [x4]

This is the story of my life
These are the lies I have created
This is the story of my life
Thse are the lies I have created
(I've created)
This is the story of my life
(whispers)
These are the lies I have created...."

I love those lyrics.


I'm done.

Me.

I realised last night:

My life is about me!

It may be selfish, but fuck it. I come first in my life. That's the way it should be. I'm sick of letting myself down to make others happy. I'm sick of feeling like shit and having to pretend I'm happy for other people.

It's all about me!

Productivity!

This week has been very good.

I've applied for 3 jobs (one of them was a hand-written application!!), and got accepted into a course at college.

I feel like celebrating, but as normal, I have no money.

Another Friday night at home. How fun...

It's amazing.

It's amazing how things happen and people change, in the blink of an eye.

I spent two days in bed ill, finally get up and out, and everything feels different. I don't know if it's good or bad, but it's certainly different.


Anyway, I meant to blog about this before, but then I got drunk, and then I got ill.

You know that one friend you have? The one you barely see, the one you barely consider a friend? But the one you'll always say hi to if you see them?

That friend does a lot more for you than you realise. Wether it's just praying for you, hoping you'll do well or even bragging about you to their friends.


I think we should all appreciate that one friend, because, the truth is, to someone else, we're that friend. (And I have no idea how to get rid of this bastarding underline. )

So, as the sun sets on today, think about this:
Do your friends fully appreciate what you do for them?
Do you fully appreciate what your friends do for you?

Urgh

Having swollen glands is horrible. I've lay in bed all day watching The Simpsons. Normally, that would be quite enjoyable, but the incredible pain in my throat and the unbelievable exhaustion takes all the fun out of it. However, antibiotics and lots of sleep should get it cleared up soon enough. Here's hoping, anyway.

Went to a party on Saturday night, and, for once, I actually behaved myself. Unless you count getting drunk, attempting to pole dance and looking like an idiot. But, at least it was fun.

Anyway, that's about all I have. Going to check various websites, then it's back to bed.

Maybe I'm just dreaming out loud...

I realised today, my problem is that the moment anyone shows any sort of interest in me, I'm hooked. I crave that so much that I keep running back, no matter what. I get attached way too easily, and that's why I hurt so easily too. It's not a good thing, but strangely enough, it's not something I want to change. I like how I feel when I'm attached to someone who is returning the sentiment, even if it is to a lesser extent. I just don't deal with the aftermath very well. Acht... I don't know.

Anyway, I just needed to get that out.

Got the doctor tomorrow, will get told how fat I am. How exciting.

Done for now.

I wish

Guys would just tell you what was going on! I'm so sick of sitting around wondering if things will ever go anywhere, or if I'm wasting my time.

Oh to be young.

Tonight was so much fun. Becky, Calum, Nicole and I sat down the low green, music and chilling out. Then we started messing around, chasing each other and stuff. It was really good.

Afterwards, we went to a play park. I swear to God, I felt like a kid again. It was so much fun. There was an obstacle course thing, was fun. And a gym-like thing, that was cool. It had a walking machine thing, and a rowing machine (none of them electric, btw). Then we just messed around a bit. Haha, I got a bit camp, and as we were walking to the other side of the park, these three girls, they must've been about 11, started shouting gay boy and stuff. I turned around and showed them my limp wrist, haha. That was funny. And then we went on the zipwire type thing, was fun.

I do miss being young. You didn't care about anything. When I was a kid, like 7/8, all you cared about was homework and dinner. You could go out in the morning, and not go back until it was getting dark, and no one bothered. Climbing trees and playing "sowjeez" (soldiers)!
'Got you!'
'You did not, I got you first!!!'
All while just making "bang" noises. I really do miss those days. But, we grow up, and blah blah blah :)

Hmm

I've clearly fucked it up. He's being off in texts etc.

Ach well, you win some, you lose some.

I should have said that!

I had a date last night, and all morning I've been saying to myself I should've said this, I should've said that! It's terrible. But I think it went well. I hope it went well.

We were supposed to be going to Smith's, but it was full of football guys, and wasn't really the ideal place for a gay date. So he text me, asking if we could make it the day after, and I got so annoyed, thinking he'd blown me off again! Then I suggested Meridian, and he was up for it. So we got a bottle of wine and had a chat. It was really nice.

I will hopefully be seeing him again, but will wait and see what happens.

It's another nice day. God, I love this time of year!

That's all for now.

Good hair day!

This has never happened to me before.

I woke up, looked in the mirror, and my hair was a mess. But it was like a styled mess! It actually looked good, it's just a shame I'll have to shower and ruin it.

Anyway, I have a feeling today is going to be one of those weird, random days. Don't ask me why, it's just a feeling.

I watched a movie last night, called They Live, by John Carpenter. Definitely worth a watch, if you ask me.

Still no reply from GAE. It's shocking that my own company is ignoring me!

Oh, and, I only have four followers. What's that about?! I want more!!!! (He says in a hissy-fit type voice.)

Anyway, I'm done.

Is it mine?

Walking home this morning, I saw, scrawled on a lamp post - 'Your gae'.

So I started thinking about it. Does this 'gae' belong to me? The lamp post seems to think so. But then, wont said lamp post be telling the same thing to everyone? Pretty nasty lamp post if you ask me. Getting my hopes and expectations up, just to tear them down. Anyway, I decided the 'gae' is indeed mine. Which led me to my next thought - What exactly is a 'gae'?

So, like many before me, I Googled. "Graphic Arts Equipment is the United Kindom & Ireland's leading supplier of on-demand finishing systems."

So Graphic Arts Equipment is mine? This is the 'gae' I own? So, I decided to e-mail them, telling them I own them. Here is the body of the e-mail:

Hi there. My name is Kevin Thomson, of Scotland, UK.

Recently, this morning in fact, while walking home, I saw written upon a lamp post the following words:

'Your gae'

And as such, would like to confirm my ownership of GAE with you.

I hope to hear back from you soon.

Kevin Thomson.

I'll let you know if I get a reply. :)

Dreams

So, apparently my lack of sleep is becoming noticeable to my family: my brother thinks I'm on something.

It's because I'm reliving it almost every single night. Not good.

And tonight, was supposed to have a date: About half an hour before I'm supposed to meet him, he texts me saying he can't make it, he's skint. I text him saying I could buy him a few drinks, he's like that, no I'd feel bad. So I just left it. Then I met a few pals for a few drinks, walking home and what do I see? Him going into his flat with another guy, who turns out to be his ex.

Men!

I swear to God.

Anyway, had a good night with Calum and Sarah :)




He wants to meet me on Thursday - will see about that, but I doubt it.

Done anyway.
Night.

Holy hell!

So, tonight was awesome.

I shoved a nail through my cheek. Wasn't as painful as it sounds.

THEN. To make matters worse.

I had my brother hammer a nail through my other cheek. He also hammered a nail through my foreskin. And my ear lobe. Was awesome!

Then, me my brother, Calum and my brother's friend Chris all had a nail hammered through that wee bit of skin that's between your thumb and pointing finger.

Then we went out and jumped fences and shit. Was awesome! XD

That's all for tonight!

Day three. 12am

I'm feeling pretty good today. Not so angry. Although, I've not been up for long.

Not sure how I'm going to break up today's monotomy... yesterday I tidied my room. I'd do it again.. but it's tidy.

My dream last night was weird. I was at a friend's house, talking to his sister. But his sister was really fat. And we were talking about it and stuff, and she said something that sort of hit home in my awakened state, but now I can't remember.

I realised I really need to lose weight. It's going to be summer soon and I'm still going to be fat at this rate.

Fuck it, will see what happens. I really want to get drunk tonight. I'm in such a mood for a big party. I hate living in Ayr and being skint.

Ach well.

Day two. 3.30pm

I'm just angry at everything.

I want to get so wasted. I need a party, tonight!

So yeah, that's it for now. Just...
Anger
Anger
Anger
Anger
Anger
Anger
Anger

Day two. 11.30am

Seriously! Why the fuck is it so hard to get a job? I'm trying my fucking best and can't find anything.

And just to piss me off even more, it's like a building site anywhere I look outside.


Next door are banging like retards. Just constant banging for like 2 hours now. Across the back are doing fuck knows what to their driveway, but it's loud.

Fuck sake.

So angry at everything!

World would be awesome IF I COULD FIND A JOB!!!!!!! Actually, there's fuck all going.

Urgh. That's enough raging for now.

Day one. 10am.

I already know today is gonna be one shit day.

I awoke to find another spider on my ceiling. That's two in as many days. Thankfully, I killed the first one (I'm not a murderer. I'm ridding this world of evil eight-legged beasts one by one.) but the second one fell to the floor and then I couldn't find it. So I have to hope it turns up somewhere that isn't my face while I'm asleep.

Last night, I broke my laptop. There's not a hope in hell of it working. I sat it on my bed while I got up to press play on Family Guy, and I must have knocked it, 'cause it fell off the bed and screen on the inside cracked and now you can't see anything on it, and I can't afford a new one until I get a job which is going to be never. But on the plus side, I was in bed early last night, hence why I'm up early.

I can see this blog being my saviour in the next few days. I'm practically hammering on the keyboard, as I'm used to the laptop one.

Anyway, I have £5 that I need to spend as soon as possible, so I don't buy cigarettes. But that means walking to the shop, it's ages away. And I don't know what to buy. I should buy munchie things, 'cause that always helps when you can't smoke.

This has to be the longest post I've posted in a while. Jeez. I need to get a more exciting life really.

Oh! I'm getting an overdraft and a chequebook! I feel so grown up! Now all I need is a job. Haha. I wish it was as easy as that. I really cannot find one anywhere. Stupid Ayr.

Anyway, I'm done for now.
No doubt I'll post angrily later.

Tomorrow

So, I'm going to stop smoking tomorrow.
Why? Well.

I can't afford it, basically.

I'm worried about putting weight on, but, in the long run, a wee bit of weight is easier to get rid of than lung cancer and all the stuff you get from smoking.

So expect a lot of angry posts in the near future.



"Here's to our last drink of fossil fuels.
May we vow to get off of this sauce."

The G20 summit is soon. Should prove interesting to watch.

Anyway, that's all for now. Been a quiet day.

Take away our Playstations, and we are a 3rd World nation!

The funniest thing happened today.

I was walking back from Spar, after buying wine and milk. I walked past a garden with two wee boys playing. One of them shouted to the other 'Michael Jackson!' I thought, Oh my God what the fuck?! Then the other wee boy started dancing and singing 'It's a thriller!'

I almost dropped the shopping.

I was actually buckled all the way home, still buckled now.



There's a sort-of song you should listen to. It's called Self-Evident by a woman called Ani DiFranco. This is a link to it on YouTube . Listen to the full thing, and really take in the lyrics. I love it.

Anyway, that's all for today. :)

*This post remains nameless*

All they ever do is moan. Everyone moans about everything (including me in this post..). You know, sometimes I wonder what life would be like if people didn't moan. Imagine! Would it be sheer bliss, or would people get bored? My guess is the latter. People spend so much time moaning, their lives would be empty without it.

I watched a documentary earlier, called The End of America. It's basically about how the USA is becoming a closed society. It uses evidence of past dictatorships like Nazi Germany, Stalin's Russia and Mussolini's Italy to name a few, and compares laws and events that happened there to laws and events happening in the USA. It makes a very, very good point, and I suggest you all watch it.
This is a link to wtch it online. When you click it, it'll ask you to hit a button to prove you're not a computer, then will take you straight to the video.

While we're on the subject of documentaries and such like. Another one you should watch is Zeitgeist. It basically offers information that explains the origin of Christian faith, how the banks are becoming more powerful, and how these two things are connected to the recent wars, in Iraq and Afghanistan for example.
This link will take you straight to the video.

Enough about movies and documentaries. Enough about anything.
I'm done.

You can sit beside me when the world comes down!

You can sit beside me when the world comes down.
If it doesn't matter then just turn around.
We don't need our bags,
And we can just leave town.
You can sit beside me when the world comes down.

The weather sucks. Right now is honestly looking like the middle of Winter at like 4pm. But not to worry, it'll be Summer soon enough.

Last few days have been so unbelievably quiet. Had the Job Centre yesterday, there's actually no jobs going. I'm getting desperate. I could go be a nude art model thing. Lol. Naa.
Today I went to the bank, Morrison's and Spar. How very exciting.

Got the new Kelly Clarkson and All American Rejects albums. Quite good, although Kelly Clarkson's new stuff sounds a hell of a lot different.. not too sure about some of the songs.

Anyway, just thought I'd make a wee post in case the few followers I have thought I was dead. Haha.

Oh, yeah, and I have a second blog. http://kj-asthesunsets2.blogspot.com - I'd make that a wee link, but I don't know how to and can't be assed finding out. Haha.

Catch ya.

Oh, yeah, check out the other blog, comment too. Thanks.

Really can't think of a title...

One day they'll tell you that you've changed
Though they're the ones who seem to stop and stare


Those lyrics have always stuck out to me. This is that they mean to me:

Yeah, you'll go through life, and you'll change for the better, and the people who were there before the change, will have a go at you for being all different and stuff, and yet, they admire you. They just don't like change. But at the end of the day, as far as I'm concerned, any change is a change for the better. Even if, at the time, it seems like a change for the worse, it's through that change that the better will come along.
Get it?

Anyway, that wasn't even what I came here to blog about. I was just gonna talk about the last few days, being today and yesterday.

They've been a bit uneventful really. Yesterday I went into town with Calum, got some Mother's Day stuff etc. There was a wee moment that is sorted now. Chilled out for the rest of the night. Today, it's been pure chilled. Calum came over about 7ish, and we had a proper Sunday night chill. Few drinks, music, random banter and winding people up, followed by The Simpsons. You know it's a proper chilled and good night when it ends on The Simpsons.

Life is really good for me at the moment, and I don't plan on it changing.

I'm sorry to say, there'll be no sacrifice today.

Everybody expects me to break, but I'll never breakdown again.
Everybody expects me to give up, but you'll never see me giving in.
Everybody wants me to lose, but I'll never lose who I am.

No, I'm sorry to say there'll be no sacrifice today.


Those lyrics are awesome. It's basically how I'm feeling at the moment.
I'm totally over the whole depressed thing. It's so unbelievably pointless, and I have much better things to do.

Put your problems down and pick up what's left of the pain.
Take a good look at yourself and see who's really to blame.
(Needless to say) You got issues.
(There's no fucking way) That I'm gonna fix you.

More fitting lyrics. Again, I've found that by trying to help people, it was bringing me down a little. So I'm gonna stop it. Obviously, I'll try my best for the people I love, but everyone else? They can deal with it themselves.


Got into a "Only live once" frame of mind lately, and it's working. In the mood to just fuck off for a few days, but stuff to do, and lack of funds. Gutted, haha.

Going shopping for Mother's Day today, with Calum. Should be a good laugh, might head out to Auchen...that place afterwards. My spellchecker thing is crap!! It has red-lined place!

Anyway, off now.

Sun!

I've had such an awesome afternoon. Calum and I went a random walk around farm roads and stuff in the sun. It was so chilled out and just a release. Was awesome. Then we came back to mine for a few drinks. That was a chilled banter too.



One Republic reminds me of my Inverness days.


Fuck Inverness.

I want him.

I'm sure I do.

But then... I don't know.








I really want to move away. I wish I had the money and the boy/best friend who would move with me. It's coming up to Summer, and I am gonna miss Inverness so much.




This is kinda a pointless post, but it's helped me, so fuck it. :)

14th March 2003 - A day I'll never forget.

The day my Granny Shatford died. Worst time of my life. Seriously. Never, ever, felt pain like that in my life. Truly the worst I've ever felt. But, obviously, at that time, I didn't know about suicide or self-harm, or I would almost definitely be dead by now. I guess it's a good thing. She wouldn't like to see me so soon, right?

I promised her in my prayers that this year, I'd go see her and take her flowers....

Couldn't face it.

After the last 6 months, I have no idea what I'd do if I went to see her. I really can't trust myself. But I feel terrible for breaking a promise. I'm so conflicted. Do I put my own life at risk to fulfill a promise to the one person I love the very most, or save myself and break that promise? I know it's not the 14th anymore, but any visit is a good visit, right?

I don't really know.

Not to mention the fact that I actually have no money to get the bus to see her, never mind flowers.... Not good.

My friends love me. My family love me. What more could I ask for, really? I shouldn't be depressed. Just... sometimes you can't help it. You understand, I know you do. Whoever you may be.


I remember about two months after my gran died. I wrote one of my English essays on it. It was the best of the year, according to my teacher. I wish I still had it to share with you, but, that was like... 6 years ago, so no chance of me having it anywhere.

I can't stop crying. I'm so emotional right now. But I think I'm safe. I reckon I'll just chill for a while then cry myself to sleep, and wake up feeling all happy again.






I realise this post is pretty depressing, but, that's life...

That's what all the people say...

Riding high in April, and shot down in May!

:P

This past week...

Has been... just... ooft!

What a week, I don't mind telling you. Not that it's over or anything, far from it, but with a big party happening at the weekend, I'm assuming it would be way too much to post in one blog. So anyway.

I don't actually remember all that much. Let's see...
Sunday I saw Sarah... or I think it was Sunday.... yes, it was. Ahaha, it was like something from a movie. Sarah had to get the train, and we were going to be late, so jumped off the bus and ran towards the train station. The lovely bus driver stopped, picked us up again and sped off to the station. We literally ran into the station, just as the train pulled away. The timing was terrible. Turns out there was another train, so that was good.

Monday was... I don't actually remember... let's skip this one. Lol.
Tuesday was good, but not overly exciting really, just very drunken, as was Monday.

Last night though.. God. Calum and I started off in Meridian, where we were convinced something was going down - a bomb or something. Haha. Then we went to the cinema to see Confessions of a Shopaholic, which was awesome by the way. Back to the Meridian, we got drunk then headed off to Caprice (where our bar staff from Meridian go.. you see how it all fits into place?). So yeah, Caprice was good. Met some lovely people, and one of the bar staff, Alex, was gorgeous. Wow. Just been told there that we were talking to Big Steven too. Ok, let me explain. In Meridian, there are two really hot bar guys. We knew them as Purple Guy and Straw Guy. Turns out they're both called Steven, so now Purple Guy is Big Steven, and Straw Guy is Wee Steven. Anyway, we met some other chick called Heather, who was lovely. We sat at the bar perving on Alex, flicking through magazines looking for eye candy and just being generally random. Then I get money off Calum to go to Spar and buy porn!!!! Oh, what a night.

So, that was this week, up to now. Tonight we're going to Calum's: I wont be leaving until Sunday. This should be fun. So I'm done with gibbering on about my week. Hope you all had a lovely time, and have a lovely weekend. I'll fill you in on mine next week.

Tara chuck!

The worst post I've ever posted...

So, here we are again. I am bored beyond belief. Spent so much energy trying to find something to do tonight, that I'm knackered now. Anyway, I was pretty sure I had something decent to blog about... but now I can't really remember.

Oh yeah, that fucking documentary. "How To Sleep Better."

Now, I don't have sleep problems, as such. But, being a teenager, it's always good to make sleep that wee bit better. So, I got into bed, got the documentary on the laptop and settled in to watch it. Now, I wasn't tired in the slightest, but, after about 20 minutes of this program, I was asleep. So, the answer to "how to sleep better" ? Watch that program.

In other news. There is no other news. Haha. No, erm...

Oh yeah. So, I realised over the last few days, I feel fucking awesome. I wont come off the medication yet, but hopefully I wont need it for much longer.


This is a shit post, but I can't think of anything else to write. My life is a bit boring at the moment, lol.

New Year Revisited

The following is the entire body of my post labelled New Year. I decided to go back and comment on individual parts and how appropriate it might be now. The original is in normal text, the comments will be in italics (I always thought that was spelled with two L's, but apparently not..)

As the sun sets on today, I thought about this:
What does this year have in store for me? (Not a lot so far, lol!)

Well, for a start, there's a few personal things I want to change:
I want to care less about other people's opinions of me. (This has happened, ever so slightly.)
I want to be able to be myself. (Not really happened.. maybe a little bit.)
I want to be happy with who I am. (Getting there with this one. )
I want to tell the truth, no matter how much it hurts me or others. (This has been a lot harder than I thought it would be, so far I've failed pretty majorly on this.)
I want to enjoy my life - live every day as my last. (Not always been doing this, but certainly more than before.)
I want to love... and be loved. (Looking back at this, it's not really important to me at the moment.)
I want to know... and be known. (I'm not too sure exactly what I meant by this... perhaps I'll work it out one day.)

Basically, I want to be happy. (Again, I'm getting there with this. Certainly a lot happier now than I was back then.)

And to be honest, if that means losing my friends or whatever, then so be it. I'd rather be happy with no friends than to pretend to be happy with a load of fake friends. (I do still feel like this. It's a pretty good one if you ask me.)

Let it be known that if I communicate with you in the slightest in 2009, it's because I want to. Not because, as is the case now, I feel obligated. (This has been a major fail. I find it hard to ignore people. But having looked back on it now, I guess I was right there. So I'll start it from now.. if I can.)

Just thought I'd let you know. (Ditto with the update! Lol.)

Thrush

It's not nice, but my God it's funny.

Cousin and I were standing in Morrison's, waiting on a prescription, and she spotted the thrush cream. It was the funniest thing ever. Then we realised we didn't know what caused it. Enter Google. So now she's obsessed with thrush. We discovered that men can get thrush! Call me naive, but I seriously had no idea we could!

Anyway, I realised this blog has basically been a place for me to moan and bitch. Bit boring really, so thought I'd come share the thrush. I was hoping to find a wee funny pic to put on here, but Photobucket wont load, probably due to how shit my internet is.

"I think I let out a little bit of wee then!" Being Human is perhaps the best show on TV at the moment, even though it's just ended. Roll on the second series.

Oh, also, someone searches blogs for scooters! I'm so chuffed to find that out. Check the comment on my last post for a link to her blog. It's quite interesting, unlike this.

I want to write loads and loads, but I don't have anything to write about. Photobucket has loaded, so I'l find a good picture, then write about it! Good idea, no?



(I hope to God that link worked, I'm never sure.)
But anyway. Do you agree with this quote? I do. Because, let's face it, if there's something you don't like about your life, you should be the one to change it, right? There's not much point sitting around waiting for things to get better. If you can actively make it different, do it. It's the only way you'll definitely see some progress.

I'm pretty much done here.
Thrush out.

Scooters, fuck off.

"Labels for this post:
e.g. scooters, holidays, autumn"

If anyone reading this has searched for blogs about scooters, please for the love of God, leave a comment.

That's not even what I came on to write about. Jeez.

So yeah, anyway, I just wanted a rant.

What about? Not sure yet, we'll see what happens as I write.

So yeah. I'm a tad confused. Why is it that when I had nothing in particular to be happy about, I was happy. But now, I have something I should be ecstatic about, and I'm starting to feel down. I mean, is my mind so backwards that good things make me sad? And now I'm having second thoughts, but I really don't know what to do. It's not that I'm scared or anything - far from it. I just... I don't know.

I really want to get away. To start new. I feel like I have too much baggage in my life - I want rid of it. I want to start a new life. I'm only 18 for fuck sake, how the hell can I pull it off?

Oh I don't know what else to write.

Rant...

I realised today, I'm so sick of so many things. Felt I had to let it out, so here goes.

• I hate the fact that I can't find it in myself to tell people what I need to tell them. Although, I do plan to change this. It's just not as easy as I thought it would be.
• I'm so sick of the whole 'gay' thing. In fact, I'm sick of the whole sexuality thing in general. I don't want my life to be determined in the slightest by my sexuality. Nor anyone's life for that matter. We shouldn't be labeled by our sexuality. I don't want to be known as 'gay'. I want to be known as me. I don't know how to word the rest of how I'm feeling in this situation. Like, I hate how everyone expects gay guys to be so pretty, and how the general gay population are so shallow. It's not all about looks, you know. Another thing: Just because I don't go out having sex with a different person every week, doesn't make me less of a person, and certainly not less of a 'gay' person. I'm just not a whore, simple as.
  
• I'm sick of how unemployed people are looked down on by society. In some cases, it's not our fault. This is just another example of prejudice. 'He's unemployed, so therefore he must be lazy and good for nothing.' Wrong.

I think that'll do. For now, at least.